I wish I could find something I read recently, how the author endured 2020, survived 2021 and started healing in 2022. It resonated with me. Perhaps that is why I’ve been thinking about simpler times. Maybe because I’ve been scanning slides from decades ago as well. Whichever, I feel like I’m making forward steps to a calmer me. Most days anyway.
I do feel like 2022 was a healing year – emotionally and physically. We have been able to work through our ragged emotional scars from the debacle of previous years. Sometimes we get reminders and struggle, but jump off that bus as soon as we can. I found it necessary to remove the photographs of grandchildren we aren’t allowed to see. It might seem harsh but it’s part of our moving on. We trust that one day, when they are able, they will seek us out.
We’ve been blessed with visits from extended family. We’ve added grandchildren to our family tree. We’ve shared time with our kids and grandchildren. We have a home that feels like home. We walk in and know it’s where we should be.
I had several opportunities to hang out at my favorite place – Culver, Indiana – with my sister and family. We’ve had girl’s weekends (for scrapbooking & memory book making), took the grandsons, celebrated the 4th of July, went to the Blueberry Festival, watched movies outside and just had fun. I even joined my sister, niece and her boyfriend in “the happiest place in the world” (Disney World).
The primary reason for returning to the Midwest was to help my parents. They live approximately 17 miles from us. This has made it possible for visits during the week when we are in their town. We’ve met up for meals. We responded to the calls for flooding in the basement, snow on the deck, putting out and removing seasonal furniture and decorations. After all, that’s why we are here.
In 2022 I was grateful to be near. If not for the close proximity my sister would have been primary caregiver and I would have been flying back and forth often. My mom had a reverse total shoulder replacement in February and again, the other side in July. It was a lot of hands-on caregiving for my sister and myself. My sister is a nurse. She’s designed for this sort of thing. Three days into my caregiving I was asked when my sister would return “because she was nicer”. That’s code for “she puts up with the nonsense”. Originally it would have been just the one surgery, but on her first night home, she fell into a closet door face first and jammed up the “good” shoulder. We were grateful that’s all that happened. EMT’s were called to help her up, and a trip to the ED for verification nothing more was wrong. The staff told her she might have tore her other rotator cuff.
The healing was difficult for my mom. We struggled to get her off narcotics. We encouraged her to get dressed. I even called one of the surgeon’s nurses to seek advice. They had us bring her in to be accessed, basically helping her to get out of her own head. She wasn’t using the “good” shoulder at all and in the end it froze up (thus the second surgery). We ended up having our own little intervention which finally got her onboard with helping herself.
By the time she had surgery in July she was determined to avoid the narcotics and work hard in PT. She got dressed every morning and after just a few days, she wanted us to move on. I was back for daytime visits to help with laundry, meals and some light cleaning.
Our healing days weren’t over. In 2019 I injured my left shoulder shoveling snow. I knew right away what I’d done since I had already had rotator cuff surgery on the right shoulder in 2015. I was able to get some physical therapy scheduled despite 2020 being in my way. With all the drama of my stepson’s divorce and our insertion, seeking further help for my shoulder didn’t happen. In 2021 we moved to the Midwest. After we got settled in I found a doctor. Then my insurance was asking me to find another doctor. Finally in the summer of 2022 I was settled with my healthcare. Good thing because sleeping was becoming impossible. I got an MRI, confirming what I’d already guessed. I needed surgery.
I finally had surgery in the end of October. Yaya (me) was able to get Halloween costumes made before going out of commission. I had my rotator cuff repaired, my bicep tendon reattached and bone spurs shaved off my clavicle. I had little or no pain and was cared for by our daughter, the first few days, and the Mister.
We can say 2022 was a good year despite the hospital visits. When our daughter-in-law, in Idaho, fell down the stairs at 8 months pregnant, I was a able to move up my travel dates to help with the older kids while she and our son tended to the newborn in the NICU. I spent five weeks with them. I had the opportunity to see our oldest granddaughter’s dance recital while in town. I was also able to help our son and family pack up their home and move everything into storage in preparation for their year long full-time living in their 40′ 5th wheel.
We made a few trips north to watch grandsons play hockey and celebrate the oldest’s birthday. We also met up at Wisconsin Dells to celebrate the youngest’s birthday. When our daughter and son-in-law purchased their first home in Northern Minnesota, we kept their youngest son while they moved. The older son was with his other grandparents in Alaska! We also looked after both boys for a week when their parents went to Alaska for a friend’s wedding. I had a lot of fun with Halloween costumes this year. We’ve been able to meet up with daughter and family for a weekend in Minneapolis.
I checked off an item on my bucket list by taking a stain glass class this year. I wasn’t disappointed. The Mister built me a big workbench and I’ve been able to make a few things, although I feel rusty after much time away.
We hosted family Christmas this year for my parents, sister and her family, our brother, daughter and family. It was a bitter cold day and we had a great time trying out a new tradition – a white elephant gift exchange. I think it was a success.
Another benefit to our location…we’ve been able to see my husband’s daughters. Renee’s in-laws are in Upper Michigan and Wisconsin. We’ve enjoyed several visits and have been able to help them with their travel here as well. His other daughter Tonya works in Chicago area occasionally and has reached out when in town. Her and her husband even stayed a weekend with the Mister while I was helping out west.
So all in all we have no complaints. We’ve made major inroads to reclaiming our life and how we choose to live it. We manage to keep up with doctor appointments, physical therapy and do our best to remain as healthy as possible. We look forward to 2023 and all it has to offer.
Empty Nest Full Hearts 